Stay-at-home Mom vs. "Working" Mom

I thought long and hard when developing the angle of this blog because a site dedicated to the "working"mom could be any mom. Being a mom is work, no matter how you slice it. However, I only know what I know and I've had a full-time job the whole time I've been a mom. I do often wonder though, why do we make such a distinction between the two. Are our mommy worlds really that different?

I don't know where all the competition started. Maybe it started in the industrial age when women went to work to provide for their family while the husband went to war. Society gave a false embrace to the new role of "the mom" in the workplace making it more acceptable to deviate from the prior Joan Clever type role for women. Maybe it's even more recent than that.

My generation is the "I want it all and I want it all right now!" We want to have college degrees, careers, equal status with our male counterparts, but we also want a family and the white picket fence - including having all the little ducklings at home. Women now tend to feel like we have to give things up to become a mom, instead of in our mother's and grandmother's day where it was the goal, it was just what they did. We now tend to try more to just fit motherhood into our schedule and hope for the best.

It seems the decision to stay home with your kids is harder to make these days as well. Taking the whole financial part out of it, it's hard to walk away from something you worked hard for, something you trained for, something that defines a little piece of you. We're told our whole childhood that we can be what we want, be a doctor, a teacher, a lawyer, etc...but when it comes down to it having a family doesn't really fit into those worlds well. Even now, some employers still place a stigma on moms, it's a hassle for them that you have a child to care for and they don't often make it easy on you.

On the contrary, if you had a certain lifestyle before you had kids and certain financial responsibilities, its hard to walk away from a pay check. It's hard not to want to maintain a certain lifestyle for your children. Not to mention the current economy, which has forced more moms back into the work world without much choice.

My point is either way is it's hard. It's hard to give every ounce of yourself up to dedicate your life to raising kids, missing out on adult interaction and self fulfillment. It's also hard to leave your precious little one every day to be raised by someone else and miss their first smile, their first words, their first steps. You never get those moments back. Yet, either way as moms we do it. We do it because we love them, we do it because we're moms!

So we're not at war with each other, none of us have the better deal. We're all just making it work for whatever reason we have to make it work. And as a working mom, trust me I don't judge the stay-at-home mom, I am envious of all the precious moments you get with your little ones. I am envious that you had the courage to say, no matter what my little one is my life now.

Fresh From the Juice Box

This is a new idea for the blog. From time to time, I will write a little story in the form of a toddler moment. This is also a great section for you to leave your stories too.

Fresh from the Juice Box

The other day as my toddler and I were doing our pre-bedtime ritual of learning our body parts - we're working on our face part right now - she got a little streak of devil in her as we were pointing out our eyes. Her quick little fingers thrusted toward my eyes and she plucked out a chuck of my eyelashes. Despite the eminence pain associated with this, I tried to calmly explain to her that she needed to be more careful. She seemed to understand and kept chanting "Mommy, eye." "Mommy, eye."

The next afternoon, we were again playing and just in casual terms I was commenting on her long beautiful eyelashes. Then, I remembered my lack of eyelashes and jokingly said "Since you have so many eyelashes can you share some of yours with mommy?" Not even expecting her to remember the night before, she replied without hesitation, "No. I'm gor-geous!" ... I think we have to work on the sharing part, but not so much the self esteem.

Welcome!

Welcome to my blog. High Heels & High Chairs is dedicated to the working mom. Let's face it, it's hard to be everywhere for everyone in your life. The work-life balance is emotional, conflicting and even tormenting. A constant mind battle of wondering if you're doing the right thing for your family. If you're being a good mom, a good career woman, a good wife, a good friend, a good person. When you succeed at work, it feels like you're failing as a mom. When you're being a good mom, work falls behind. You feel like you can never win and maybe you can't, but we can sure talk about it. Mommi-hood and work balance is the most challenging thing I've ever taken on and I don't even know if I am succeeding, but I sure am trying.


I am not an authority on all things "mom" and in terms of the lifetime commitment it takes to raise a child, I am still in my infancy with a just one toddler at home, but I am a mom and a working one who struggles minute by minute to be good at everything, to raise this perfect human being while saving some part of my own humanness.


So if you're a high heel, suit wearing, power mom by day and the bath giving, tear wiping, diaper changing mommy by night...strap on your Manolo's and your diaper bag and let's ride out the challenges and insanities together!